Do you ever fight with yourself over crazy things you’ve done that have lead you to where you are now? Do you ever say to yourself, “wow, I’m not ok”? More importantly, do you allow yourself to admit out loud that you’re not ok?
I know that feeling of just deep breathy chest pains with tears welling up and then getting so mad at yourself that you can feel the mercury of emotions rising and there is nothing you can do about it so you just lean into the most pathetic sob of your life.
I’ve done that more times and more pitifully than I should probably admit here. But at the end of the day, I take one more heavy breath, look in the mirror, as you do when you know you look like absolute misery, just to confirm that you have fallen completely apart, and I wiped away those salty tears smiling as toothily as I can as if I were trying out for some creepy role as the red grinch, pull up my big girl panties and say “f*ck… this…. sh*t….!”
My point is that everyone, at some point, reaches their rock bottom, for some reason, particularly in their 30s. At least that’s what I tell myself. The nice thing about the “bottom” though, is that theoretically there is only one way to go from there.
FORWARD!
You thought I was going to say “up”, didn’t you?!?
You can’t go up. That is what is so confusing about this whole adulting thing. What goes up must come down. I don’t know about you, but if you have really been down, and I mean at your freaking bottom, you want more than anything to never give yourself the opportunity to get down there again. The only direction to move is forward; meaning that you have to leave your hurts and hang-ups behind so you go in a direction that doesn’t lead to the past or allow you to make the same mistakes over and over again.
Every day, every moment, you are a millisecond older. You are never in 5 minutes who you were 5 minutes ago and you are certainly not the same person you were a week ago, at your old job, in your failed marriage, or who you were when you first became a parent or who you were in school.
Every new moment is an opportunity for change; to be better, to do better, to have something different than what you have always had. You have the right to be the change that you want to see in your world. You are a person of value, with skills and experiences that no one else has.
My hope for you is that you take steps to cultivate your oneness and value to live the best life you can despite the obstacles and roadblocks that come your way. Give yourself some grace and have the courage to accept when you’re not ok, to say it out loud, take a moment to lean into it and know that you will never be the same person after this very short blip in time and this too shall pass.
Hey, you’re ok. Or at least you will be.
With love,
